


What a Party That Was

by yuletide_archivist



Category: Futurama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-20
Updated: 2006-12-20
Packaged: 2018-01-25 05:34:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1634222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuletide_archivist/pseuds/yuletide_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set 20 years after Kif Gets Knocked Up A Notch, without which it makes very little sense. Leela, Fry, and Kif must rescue Amy and Kif's squishy children from a vaguely perilous situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What a Party That Was

**Author's Note:**

> It's probably no surprise to anyone that this was my first Futurama story. Many thanks to k and yuletide for making me write it. 
> 
> Written for k

 

 

**A larval return announcement sent by Kif Kroker and Amy Wong:**

It's four boys and two girls!

Please join us at Planet Express headquarters as we welcome Pip, Apple, Xil, Kedou, Khan and Phyllis to Earth for the first time.

* * * * *

"Congratulations, Kroker," Admiral Zapp Brannigan called out as he strode into Planet Express headquarters, "You're a father six times over! I never thought you had it in you!"

"But sir, you were right there when the children were born," Kif sighed. "Actually, you were right there when they were conceived."

"And don't you forget it, young Kif!" Zapp turned his back on his former second-in-command and walked over to the drinks table. "My, my, my, if it isn't the delightful Leela. Can I buy you a cup of merlit?"

"I think you mean merlot. Except that's chardonnay. And it's free. And I have one already. And no."

"I'll take that as a yes. Two wines, barman!"

Nothing happened, because there wasn't really so much a bar as there was a table with wine and glasses set up against the wall. Leela rolled her eye and headed for the hors d'oeuvres.

"Leela!" Fry called through a mouthful of something flaky. "You've got to try these! They're the best thing since popplers! We should have these at our wedding."

"I don't know, Fry," Leela said, "After all, it's our second wedding. Maybe we should keep things low key."

"Come on, these things are totally low key. Plus, our first wedding hardly even happened, what with the chrono-thingy with the Globetrotters. And you divorced me right afterwards." Fry stopped and frowned at the memory, but then went on, smirking, "And it only took me twenty years to wear you back down. Heh."

"Yeah, good for you, buddy. You're a regular Casanobot," Bender said. "So, when are these frog things supposed to show up? I'm running low on malt liquor."

"Amy said she'd be here with the kids by 3:00, but it's almost 4:00 already," Leela said. "I guess she's running late. I'm looking forward to seeing the little squirts again myself. I suppose we could ax Kif what's going on, but she looks pretty busy right now."

Kif had been cornered by Amy's parents.

"When you gonna show us our grandchildren? We not getting any younger!"

"20 years we wait for squishy tadpole kids to come back from swamp planet land! What kind of son-in-law stops his grandchildren from seeing their grandchildren?"

"Well, as we've discussed before," Kif began, "During the twenty years Ampibiosan larvae spend in the swamp, they grow and become strong as their early ineffectual support splints are replaced by an immature series of bladders that will grow with them, and, when mature, support them throughout their adult lives. Except for the ones that get eaten by snakes. The smizmar bears responsibility for bringing them home. I'm sure Amy will be here any minute, Mrs. Wong."

"How many times I have to tell you to call me Grandma?"

"Uh, Kif, I need you to help me with a little problem we've been having with the hangar doors," Leela broke in.

"Right now, in the middle of the party?"

"Unless there's something you really want to talk about with the Wongs?"

"Please excuse me, Mr-, er, Grandma and Grandpa. We wouldn't want Amy and your grandchildren to have any problems with the doors." Kif smiled gratefully and followed Leela out to the hangar.

* * * * *

"Kif, I'm worried about Leela and the kids. They should've been here an hour ago. Can't you get in touch with Amy somehow?"

"I don't know if I should, Leela. My species' tradition states that the smizmar has to undertake this journey alone, without the aid of the birth parent. If I interrupted Amy's journey, she might never bond correctly with our children, and that would be a terrible thing. Anyhow, she's got Doctor Zoidberg to help her if anything goes wrong."

"Zoidberg's with Amy?"

"I thought it would be best if she had a qualified medical advisor along for the ride. And since Doctor Zoidberg's always giving advice to parents on the Oprah's Head show."

"That's not Zoidberg, that's Dr. Phil's Head!"

"Oh dear," Kif said, deflating slightly. "Well, still, he can't do much damage."

"I hope you're right, Kif," said Leela. "But I'm pretty sure you're wrong. We've got to get in touch with them as soon as we can."

"I'm sure that's not necessary? The bonding process? Smizmar?"

"Listen, frogman, those might be your children but they've got my DNA. I'm radioing the Planet Express ship right now."

Leela stepped over to the communication panel and called up the Planet Express ship. Kif and Leela could just barely make out Zoidberg's face through the static.

"Leela! What a sight for sore eyes! A terrible mess we're in, with the fender-benders and the frog-children. Amy was piloting the ship when into a parked hovercar she ran. What a dent that made! The driver was not so happy and he shot across the bow. And now the air is leaking!" The screen went all staticky again and when Zoidberg reappeared his words were slurred. "So I told Amy and the squishy children to take the extra oxygen and hide out in the little air room while I drove the ship, since a simple coldblooded squid like me doesn't need so much of the stuff. But now that we're on the way I'm just going to take a little nap, because the talking and the piloting, it makes me sleepy."

"Zoidberg!" Leela shouted, "You can't go to sleep! You're oxygen-starved! You might never regain consciousness!"

Snores issued from the viewscreen.

"That's it, Kif, we've got to go after them."

"But how can we get to them before disaster strikes? We don't have a ship that runs fast enough to catch up with the Planet Express ship!"

"We might not, but someone else at this shindig does."

* * * * *

Back at the party, Zapp Brannigan was talking to Hermes.

"It was then that I realized that the only way to ensure that Earth would no longer be threatened by cowering yarn people was to turn each of the ships in my company into flaming balls of plasma and hurl them at the enemy," said Zapp.

"Uh, Zapp?" Leela said. "I was wondering if you could show me around the old Nimbus, you know, for old time's sake?"

"For sexy old time's sake?"

"Sure, for sexy old sexy time's sexy sake. But now, OK? And can Fry come too?"

"That's not quite the sexy time I had in mind, Leela, but they say a good soldier should try everything once. Except Centaurian Lutefisk. All aboard, everyone!" Zapp walked towards the door. "And, uh, by everyone, I mean Leela and Fry. And Kif, we'll need someone to work the controls while we're having our fun sexy time."

Kif suppressed a shudder, but winked at Leela. Leela winked at Fry, but he didn't get it for some reason.

"Leela, what's all this about? I thought you hated Zapp Brannigan. Oh, wait, I'm getting it now. This is what you always wanted me to be like, isn't it?"

"Shut up, Fry, and play along."

"Uh-OK. Fine. Whatever."

* * * * *

On board the Nimbus, Zapp led Kif, Leela, and Fry down the corridor towards his quarters.

"I think you'll like the changes I've made since the first time we 'met'," Zapp said. "My interior decorator found a few things that weren't completely covered in velour, so we fixed that problem but fast."

"Get that hose, Fry," Leela whispered as they passed a length of flexible tubing.

"Look, Leela, I love you and all that but I don't want to get involved in some kind of creepy sex game with Zapp Brannigan. Why can't you be more like Kif? Kif would never ask me to get involved in a threesome with Zapp Brannigan."

"Just get the damn hose, Fry," Leela hissed.

"Maybe I don't want to get your stupid hose!"

"What's all this about hose?" Zapp Brannigan asked. "Is it a sexy hose?"

"Oh, for Pete's sake," Leela said. "Hiya!"

Leela took Brannigan down with a well place kick to the head.

"OK, I am so lost," said Fry."

"Tie Brannigan up and bring him to the bridge. The Planet Express ship is in trouble, so we need to steal the Nimbus and rescue Amy and Zoidberg and the kids."

"Um, the bridge is this way, Leela," Kif said cautiously. "Don't kick me."

* * * * *

Within five minutes Leela and Kif had located the Planet Express ship and plotted a course.

"How fast does this thing go, Kif?" Leela asked.

"I've never really needed to find out," said Kif. "We've got to hurry, though! Amy, and my precious children, in a ship piloted by an unconscious lobster! I can hardly bear to think of it." Kif wrung his hands.

"Well I'm putting the pedal to the metal," Leela said, and suited the action to the word. Thirty seconds later they were at the edge of the universe.

"Maybe we don't need to hurry quite so much."

"What do you want me to do with this?" Fry panted as he dragged Zapp Brannigan's bound, semi-conscious body onto the bridge.

"Oh, just stick him in a corner somewhere," Leela said. "We've got more important things to worry about right now."

Moments later, the Planet Express ship came into view, all decked out in pink and blue bunting.

"I'm engaging the tractor beam," said Kif. "We'll have them in the hold in a few more seconds."

"Leela, what's all this about," the now fully-conscious Zapp Brannigan asked. "I'm not saying I don't like it, but I might have dressed differently if I'd known the evening would end this way."

"What is this all about, Leela?" asked Fry. "I've said it before and I'll say it again: I don't want to get caught up in your wild Zapp Brannigan games."

"At last, they're safe!" Kif cried as he ran from the bridge towards the hold.

"We're saving Amy and her kids from certain death in outer space," Leela said. "And Zoidberg."

"Oh, OK. Sounds good. Did we do it yet?"

"Mostly. Now come on, we've got to see how they're doing in the hold."

"So I'll just stay here, then," Zapp Brannigan called out from the corner where Fry had stashed him.

In the hold, Zoidberg stumbled out of the ship, greeting Leela, Fry, and Kif.

"My friends have come to rescue me! Hurray!"

The rescuers charged past Zoidberg into the ship.

"Amy!" Kif called out. "Amy, where are you, my love?"

"Shmeesh, Kif, I'm right here." Amy and Kif embraced. "We were fine the whole time. There was plenty of oxygen for one human and six Amphibiosan-Mutant hybrids."

"Then our beloved offspring are safe?"

Just then, six small squishy heads poked out of the doorway behind Amy.

"Awww," said Fry and Leela in chorus.

"Look, that one even looks kind of like you, Leela! With the one eye and the purple? thing? near the top of its head."

"That's Pip. Pip, can you say hello to Leela?"

"Hello, Leela," said a shy voice from behind Kif and Amy's legs.

"Attention, shipjackers!" a voice boomed out over the Nimbus's PA system. "I have managed to scoot over to the communications console and as a representative of D.O.O.P. I demand that you return me and this ship to Earth as quickly as possible."

And so it seemed that there was nothing to do but turn the ship around and head home.

 


End file.
